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HUMOR: WORLD WEEKLY NEWS: Homeland Security Chief's Home Robbed 5 Times in 3 Weeks

 
Excerpt as it appeared in Weekly World News Web :

HOMELAND SECURITY CHIEF'S HOME ROBBED 5 TIMES IN 3 WEEKS

He may be in charge of keeping the nation secure, but Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge can't prevent his own home from being broken into. Burglars have robbed his home five times in the past three weeks!

"This is very embarrassing," says a top White House official. "Someone is clearly trying to make a statement."

Even more embarrassing is that Ridge has a home security system that was the model for the nation's "color alert levels" that depict changing threat levels of terrorism.

"Whenever a kid rides by with a bicycle, Ridge's 'home alert' goes up to yellow. When rap music is played anywhere nearby, it immediately jumps to orange," says the official. Ridge used to brag that his color-coded home security system kept his house safe, so it was good enough for the nation," says the White House insider.

"So this is very disturbing. It indicates the country might not be that protected, after all."

Ridge's home was robbed of a sofa, TV entertainment center, a dinette set, and the top secret security plan to keep the U.S. safe in the event of a terrorist attack.

The first four times he was burgled, Ridge declared he wouldn't be intimidated by the thieves. But after the last time, he decided to bunk with Dick Cheney in his undisclosed location.

Published on: 10/20/2004

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For over 3 years, Stan 'reported' hundreds of stories (under pseudonyms) for the great gonzo supermarket tabloid, Weekly World News. Here are some favorites:

A RABBI, A PRIEST AND A MINISTER WALK INTO A BAR TOGETHER AND NOTHING FUNNY HAPPENS

RAPPER HAS REVERSE TOURRETTE'S SYNDROME

PRES. BUSH CONVERTING ‘WEST WING’
TO ‘ARREST WING’

HOMELAND SECURITY CHIEF'S HOME ROBBED 5 TIMES IN 3 WEEKS

 

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