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HUMOR: WORLD WEEKLY NEWS: Disease Forces Rappers to Talk Clean

 
Excerpt as it appeared in Weekly World News Web:

Chamber of the Bizzare

DISEASE FORCES RAPPERS TO TALK CLEAN


A TOP rap artist has developed a rare affliction that is threatening his career -- whenever he tries to utter a four-letter word, it comes out sanitized.

Rapper Brown "Goody" 2 Shuz has Reverse Tourette's Syndrome -- instead of obscenities, he involuntarily shouts out words that would fit right into a Disney movie.

"This is killing my career," 2 Shuz complains. "The other night I was rappin' about what nasty thing I wanted to do sexually to some woman, and I suddenly heard myself shout, 'I want to buy you some expensive chocolates!'"

"And last week I was doin' a 'gangsta' rap and I tried to call this guy a word that refers to his mother, and it came out, 'Your mother's a very nice lady.' Man, the only reason no homies beat me up is because they was laughing too hard."

Johann Mancini, a leading psychologist, says that 2 Shuz's condition is caused by guilt. "Deep down he thinks of himself as a good boy 'acting' like a mean rapper. His affliction is his subconscious rebelling against his chosen career."

To which 2 Shuz responds, "If I ever see that shrink, I'll kick his . . . kiss his face."

-- By BERNIE PYLE

Published on: 08/19/2004

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In a period of over 3 years, Stan wrote hundreds of crazy stories for the gonzo (and dearly departed) tabloid, Weekly World News, under several pseudonyms, including Jake Anderson, Bernie Pyle, and Scott Stevens. Some of his favorites are...

A RABBI, A PRIEST AND A MINISTER WALK INTO A BAR TOGETHER AND NOTHING FUNNY HAPPENS

RAPPER HAS REVERSE TOURRETTE'S SYNDROME

PRES. BUSH CONVERTING ‘WEST WING’
TO ‘ARREST WING’

HOMELAND SECURITY CHIEF'S HOME ROBBED 5 TIMES IN 3 WEEKS

 

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