DISEASE FORCES RAPPERS TO TALK CLEAN

A TOP rap artist has developed a rare affliction that is threatening his career -- whenever he tries to utter a four-letter word, it comes out sanitized.

Rapper Brown "Goody" 2 Shuz has Reverse Tourette's Syndrome -- instead of obscenities, he involuntarily shouts out words that would fit right into a Disney movie.

"This is killing my career," 2 Shuz complains. "The other night I was rappin' about what nasty thing I wanted to do sexually to some woman, and I suddenly heard myself shout, 'I want to buy you some expensive chocolates!'"

"And last week I was doin' a 'gangsta' rap and I tried to call this guy a word that refers to his mother, and it came out, 'Your mother's a very nice lady.' Man, the only reason no homies beat me up is because they was laughing too hard."

Johann Mancini, a leading psychologist, says that 2 Shuz's condition is caused by guilt. "Deep down he thinks of himself as a good boy 'acting' like a mean rapper. His affliction is his subconscious rebelling against his chosen career."

To which 2 Shuz responds, "If I ever see that shrink, I'll kick his . . . kiss his face."

-- By BERNIE PYLE

Published on: 08/19/2004