PRES. BUSH CONVERTING ‘WEST WING’ TO ‘ARREST WING’
Top aides can keep working while in jail

By JAKE ANDERSON WASHINGTON, D.C. —

President Bush is so worried that many of his top aides and associates in Congress will be imprisoned for assorted wrong-doing that he’s busily converting the West Wing of the White House into an “Arrest Wing” — a row of prison cells from which these aides can keep working if they’re ever convicted.

Recently, House Majority Leader Tom Delay was indicted for money laundering and conspiracy. Karl Rove may be indicted for his role in leaking the name of a CIA operative. Speaker of the House Bill Frist is also under investigation as are several other advisors to Bush.

“Bush can’t function without these people,” a top White House aide told Weekly World News under condition that we not tell Karl Rove. “This way, even if they’re in prison, Bush will be able to pick their brains.”

In fact, the White House is even attempting to put a positive spin on it. “If all these folks go to jail, this administration will be even more productive since they won’t have anything else to do but work,” said another source close to Bush, frequent Weekly World News source ‘CR.’

While current rules stipulate that felons can’t serve in Congress, Republicans are busy trying to overturn those rules as well.

“Laws the Republican Congress passed during Clinton’s presidency to hurt Democrats are now being overturned to help Republicans,” said ‘CR.’

Still, Republican Senator Burt Stroud of Wyoming is greatly saddened by these plans. “I’m sure our Founding Fathers never envisioned the day when the White House would become the Big House,” he said.

Published on: 11/14/2005